Heartbreak

You kill me.  You're the second person to throw me away.  I am the trash that you took out and left, forgotten, on the curb.  Why think of me anymore, someone will make sure I'll be seen no more.  Your rough hands clean of any crime.  So I sit, devastated with my secret.  Heartbreak sets in.  For you are not discarding one, but two. 

How happy your reunion must be with the woman you told me you divorced!  Back to normal is what you think.  Back to an old woman you can control, hit, kick, grab and shake.  Sad, to learn she takes you back with gratitude for the familiar routine of the machismo male, telling her how to live, look, and love.  Has she not lived in America long enough to have learned?  But no, she will take the money that you will give her, as long as she complies.  She will obediently be deaf, mute and blind to your indiscretions.  She will smile with unshed tears in her eyes to all your lies.  I realize that you love to hurt others by trying to make them the fool, to deceive, to prove you are on top, warranted or not. You love your ego to be inflated, especially when you do it yourself.  I will wait patiently for karma to knock you down.

I can't live that way, my children will not live that way.  This baby will never know you for a father.  I will not be thrown away.  I stand and remove myself from the dirty edge.  Determination and self-love kick in!  Confidently I step away from the black bags.  I dumped your ass and for good reason.  The abuse, the inability to keep up with me in bed, your pathetic income, lack of education and the Napoleon complex!  Obviously only one of us can handle the truth.  I am better than you.  I am beautiful and I am back in control.  That is why you left, for I am the queen and you are the serf.  Tenderly,  I touch my belly.  Into the world I will bring a strong-willed child that will not be taken in by others' bullshit.  I am the one with the power to show her, for I learned the hard way.  That, I can and will thank you. And now, walking back to a clean world,  I am over my heartbreak, for you are not worth being broken for.