Monday, May 23, 2011

White Lies and Darker Truths

Her sweet smile hides the truth. It's the little white lies behind a darker truth.  It's okay and everyone's complicit. The smelly, little girl had no clue that she shouldn't keep it all inside.

That day the plumber came over and said the only way to fix the basement bathroom was to do it without their clothes. He seemed fun at first, showing her how the chemicals could make colors like yellow and blue made such a funny, puke green.

Mommy and daddy had no idea she was home.  She snuck back in because she fought with Allie over the dare to eat the moldy oreo.  She never wanted to see Allie and her stupid toys again!

She looks at the pyschologist's calendar and smiles even bigger, "Is that a special day?"  pointing to the red circle around the 26th.  "We circle all our special days in pink 'cuz I love pink."

The girl swings her pudgy legs up and points to the fading rash, "Mommy and daddy took me in for that and I have to drink medicine and rub cream on it. It's from VD... who's VD?"

She jumps out of the chair and heads to the dolls, "I got to go eat KFC and daddy made me cry, saying I was eating Chicken Little. Then he said he was joking."

The psychologist keeps her friendly white lie of smile on, trying to encourage her to speak more. And yet, as she idly taps her fingers on the armrest, she's thinking if she could get another collagen injection at 4 if she cancels the rest of her afternoon appointments.   She jerks upright when her ears caught, ""

"Emmie, will you please repeat that?"  Emmie looks up surprised and says matter of factly, "He has a cock ring...he told me that he got a pubic hair cut especially for little girls like me and he was glad that I didn't need them. He made me laugh, he said that dogs drink from the toliet bowl because it's their vodka.  Mommy and Daddy drink lots of vodka."

Ms. Fancy Brand New PhD feels pale and wonders if she shouldn't have continued with her original, safer degree in women's studies, with her thesis about women's roles in revolutions. No, she had to pick the one that would actually make money.

The smelly, little girl blithely continues.  "We got to play pretend and he had me drink from the bowl like I was a dog.  He said he would be a dog's tongue and nose..."

The psych's glad the recorder's on because she completely forgot to take notes while listening to this once innocent child's story, and watching, in horror, as she moves the dolls around, acting out the words.  Suddenly she pictures setting this man's pants on fire long enough to burn his crotch while he's tied to a toliet bowl.  Maybe in prison he could then be the one taking it in his new hermaphrodite state, and they could torture him like a cat playing piano. Or maybe choke him with wire...

Time's up, the psych gets up gratefully, her fresh out of college sensibilities shocked into numbness.  She freezes in horror as the girl begins slamming the boy into the girl, "It doesn't hurt, shut up you little bitch or I'll eat your face."  There's a fresh smell of feces.  The psych forces a step forward, hands out to take the dolls.  The smelly, little girl smiles up at her and asks, "I did good?  Can I see you and play again tomorrow?"


  1. I have to tell you this was an excruciating read. Ugh. I am at a loss of words. You wrote it well. But a subject matter I would never read intentionally. It disturbs me on several levels. One is that the counselor seems to be referring to an extremely abused child by her odor. Ugh.

  2. Fucking awesome. I know how it came about and it's dark, and raw and frankly, brilliant.

  3. :-|

    The bigger the lies
    The more they want to believe them
    And like a vice
    Hold on to what they believe in


    A heart wrenching tale.

    Blasphemous Aesthete

  4. Oh, man, this was painfully well done, emphasis on the painful. And terribly hard to read.

  5. Seriously, Jeff - "Ew"? It's all your fault that this horrid piece was born and remember, I did not want to post it! @Baino - thank you and blame Jeff! However, on a serious note, I am surrounded by children that have been abused, and have heard many stories that should never have been. I do not think I have had one year in my career where I did not come across it. We cannot hide our heads the sand. We shall help heaven help these children!

  6. Heart-wrenching and brutally honest. This made me flinch at the truth of it.

  7. horrible stuff! but not the writing; just that stuff like this is so commonplace. ew is right.

  8. I am intrigued by the disinterest of the psychiatrist until she is shocked into interest by the more disgusting parts of this story. As if the reason the "smelly" girl was there in the first place wasn't interesting and disgusting enough for her to pay attention. The point to which psychiatrist has shut down and been desensitized to the point that she has - especially just out of college - is the most disturbing part of this piece for me.

  9. damn. all too real. i have counseled a couple sexual abuse your fucking heart out.

  10. That's seriously does not smell good to me, not the writing, its the situation which I don't want to feed my brain with, disturbing!

  11. Damn. Ouch. Ew. Really?

    That there is any element of reality to this is brutal.

  12. Unfortunately yes, some of it's pulled from reality.